I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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