Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
