I puked a lego.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
