omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
