ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
