More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Congratulations! We have a period
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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