he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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