I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
