I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
