Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
