how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
