it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
