chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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