Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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