Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
