im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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