you guys were way drunker than both of me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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