Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
