she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
