totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
