Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
