I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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