spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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