Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
