I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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