Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
