12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
