I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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