I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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