I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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