The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
