no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
