Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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