Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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