bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
