The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
