DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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