Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
