Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
