i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
