1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
