I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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