I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
