wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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