What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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