Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
