I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
