you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
false alarm. still invincible.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
