he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
