Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
