So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dignity is for republicans.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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