the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
