My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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