Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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