Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
