Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
