your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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