there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
