Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
